. .Send us anything FUNNY!! .
Most of these phrases are what they call

directly trying to translate English words into Latin
without conjugation or declension ~ but fun

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It has come to my attention that a few of these Latin phrases are in
the books written by Henry Beard, a great author who has penned many amusing books including three containing Latin phrases
"Latin For All Occasions", "Latin For Even More Occasions" and "X-Treme Latin: All the Latin You Need to Know for Survival in the 21st Century"
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Bene ambula

Cave quid optes
Be careful what you wish for

Quid quid latinae dictum set, altrum sonar
Whatever is said in latin sounds profound

Nihil taurus crappus
No bullshit

Ignoramus et ignorabimus
We do not know and will not know

Nunquam invado a mingit conflictus cum a skunk
Never get in a pissing contest with a skunk

Vos profundus pinguis cocta potatoes cum illa?
Would you like fries with that?

Quis bonus eram ut virga ego epulum operor vos ?
What good was the stick I ate do for you ?

Caveat emptor!
Let the buyer beware!

Labora cum caritate
Work with good will / charity

Id venit partem in meos domos
It came apart in my hands

Veni, vidi, visa.
I came, I saw, I did some shopping.

Vade et caca in pilleum et ipse traheatur super aures tuo
Go shit in a hat and pull it down over your ears

Cane mala, non biscoctus
Bad dog, no biscuit.

Nulliam prandium est
No such thing as a free lunch

Bulla Crustulum
Stud-muffin (literally... manly pastry)

Ut Fama Tradit
Tel que le veux la tradition / According to tradition

Fructus Sum!
I am a fruit!

Ex oriente lux. Ex occidente luxus.
From the East comes light. From the West luxury

Non urinat in ventum
don’t piss into the wind
*A more correct one below/next!

Vir prudens non contraventum mingit
A wise man don´t urinate against the wind
(The old romans didn't urinate although urine was the result of the process. Mingiare (to pee) was their expression for passing water)

Res Firma Mitiscere Nescit
Once You've got it up, Keep it up!!!

Cogito ergo zoom!
I think, therefore I GO FAST!

Veritas Vos Liberabit
The truth shall set you free

Mendax mendax tuum braccare flagare
Liar, liar, pants on fire (handy at business meetings, the spelling might be wonky)

Lux Et Veritas
Light and Truth

ministrare quam ministrari
to serve rather than to be served

facta non verba
deeds not words

nunc aut numquam
now or never

non vi, sed mente
not by force, but by mind

quid fatum sors fert nos ferimus
what fate brings we bear

Canto ergo sum
I sing, therefore I am

Aqua iacta est
The water is cast (better than... been to the loo!!)

Fac ut cubiculum
Get a room!

Semper in excretum sum sed alta variat
Always in the shit, but the depth varies

Potentia vobiscum
May the force be with you.

Laboris gloria Ludi
Work hard, Play hard

In vino veritas
In wine there is truth.

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Usus est magister optimus
Practice is the best teacher ... (practice makes perfect).

Sic infit
So it begins / Thus it begins

Tempus fugit, mors venit
Time passes, death advances.

dum spiro, spero
As long as I breathe, I hope.

a agricola in agri est dignitas duos in urbs
A farmer in the field is worth two in the city

lupus non mordet lupum
a wolf does not bite a wolf

Espresso est, ergo cogito.
Espresso is, therefore I think

Spero nos familiares mansuros
I hope we'll still be friends.

Noli illegitimi carborundum
Don't let the bastards wear you down.

Audacter calumniare, semper aliquid haeret
Slander boldly, something always sticks

Stercus accidit
Shit happens

Erat abhinc viginti annis hodie, Centurio Piper catervam canere docebat
It was Twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.

Aspice quod felix attracsit
Look what the cat dragged in.

Aequitas non facit ad angulum abuso ipsum sceleratum.
Equity does not go off to a corner and masturbate.

Servo Permaneo hastam pro vestri
Save the Last Bullet for Yourself

Te scindam
I'll cut you.

Veni, vidi et capiebar ad anum
I came, I saw and I endured a rear assault (said by Hannibal)

Pons asinorum
Bridge of asses

Persona non grata
Person not pleasing

Audio hostem
I hear the enemy

Semper ubi sub ubi
Always where under where (Always wear underwear)

Vestri matris
Your mom

Veni Vidi Volo in domum redire
I came, I saw, I want to go home

Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes
If you can read this, you're too educated

Magnus frater est vigilo vos
Big Brother is watching you

Adepto a vita
Get a life.

Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.

Excuse me. I have to see a man about a dog.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.

Toro solanum tuberosum
Couch potato.

Volo comparare nonnulla tegumembra.

I'd like to buy some condoms.

Sona si Latine loqueris.

Honk if you speak Latin.

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus
et fructuosis potiri potes!

If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced,
high-paying world of Latin!

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant.

May conspirators assassinate you in the mall.

Cogito, ergo doleo.
I think, therefore I am depressed.

Abundant dulcibus vitiis.
Nobody's perfect.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum.
Don't you dare erase my hard disk.

Illegitimi non carborundum.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Braccae tuae aperiuntur.
Your fly is open.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.

Furnulum pani nolo.
I don't want a toaster.

Morologus es!
You're talking like a moron!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Tace atque abi.
Shut up and go away.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant.
May barbarians invade your personal space.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Actio personalis monitur cum persona.
Dead men don't sue.

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!

Actus non facit reum nisi mens est rea.
I never intended to kill anybody.

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home.

Fac ut nemo me vocet.
Hold my calls.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.

Labia lege.
Read my lips.

Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum.
Garbage in, garbage out.

Credo nos in fluctu eodem esse.
I think we're on the same wavelength.

Subucula tua apparet.
Your slip is showing.

Absolvi meam animam.
I got that off my chest.

Ante victoriam ne canas triumphum.
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.

Apudne te vel me?
Your place or mine?

Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo.
I'll have a pizza with everything on it.

Obesa cantavit.
The fat lady has sung.

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Non sum pisces.
I am not a fish.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
How do you get your hair to do that?

Canis meus id comedit.
My dog ate it.

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.
Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it.

Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.

Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur.
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket.

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant.
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy.

Neutiquam erro.
I am not lost.

Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

Peter C; Brian; Rodney; Daniel; Matt; Gilles; Frank M; Anker; Michael B; Rick; Mike P; Phil; Adnan; Marla, Jeff; Pippa; Georgel Jackie; Michael; Jez; Yvonne; Marc; John, Mary; Framton;
Ronald; Ross J; Greg; John F; Johan; Ryck; Scott; Martin; Jon; Leslie; John S; Dave; Randy; Chris; Anne; Frank; Al B; Mike M;
and all
the "Anons" for sending me the above phrases

If you know any latin to add to this list please e-mail them through

!! if any are so badly incorrect .. please send me the true translation !!

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