A PHIL BRODIE BAND'S FUN PAGE . . ENJOY
UPDATED FOR FEBRUARY 2011
..
"Your Gripes"

A FEW OF LIFES IRRITATING
LITTLE THINGS
Thankyou to everyone who has sent me these in
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*Lorries overtaking lorries on dual carriageways, one going at 50mph, the other at 51mph
*Crap film endings, especially when the film has been a good one , leaves you feeling cheated.
*Such long waits at airport security!! .. better than a bomb I say
*Pop-ups, pop-ups, pop-ups
*Holiday 2 star hotels claiming to be 4 star hotels.
*Adults and young people striding along the street dragging a small 3 or 4 year-old along who has to run to keep up.
*Newspapers adding 'gate' to any and every scandal.
*Anyone smelling of garlic should be refused any form of public transport. It only takes one garlic eater for a bus for the whole vehicle to stink and there is nothing worse than a garlic eater who sits behind me on the bus and spends the whole journey breathing down my neck... yak-sik-ughhh!
*How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
*The bottom shelf of my dishwasher coming off it's runners every time I use it.
*Supermarkets putting their goods on completely different aisles all the time.
*High street banks pretending to be different from each other
*British wet grey summer days.
*Nearly all the "Humorous" birthday cards seem to be cards where the humour relates to the recipients age, sexual dysfuntion and poor memory.. please widen your minds
*Apostrophes in the wrong places. There's at least one in the other gripes. (sorry!!)
*People who spit in the street.
*Shop assistances who ask "Are you alright?" instead of "Can I help you?"
*People boasting they can eat whatever they like without putting weight on
*The commercial break intervals on TV getting longer and longer
*The words "so not", as in "I am so not looking forward to that"
*Foul mouthed chefs
*Fortnightly rubbish collections, coupled with increased council tax.
*Expensive trendy clothes and designer cloths made so badly.
*People who chew gum with there mouths open
*People who leave dirty and/or wet toilet paper and tissue paper all over the floors in night club toilets .. UG..YAK.
*People who throw lit cigarette ends out of moving car windows
*Miracle Diets , more like Miracle Money Makers!! The miracle is for the money making manufacturers that so many people still fall for a con.
*'Buy One Get One Free' offers on all the items we don't really want
*Neighbour's visitors who sound their horn when leaving.
*Speed camera warning signs that do not display the permitted speed for the road
*People who (rightly) scoop up their dog's poo and put it in a plastic bag, but then hang the bag on a fence, branch of a tree or gate latch. Please use the public bins or your own dust bin
*Knighthoods given to everyone other than lifesavers
*Excessively high prices for soft drinks in pubs and hotels
*Fortnightly rubbish collections, coupled with increased council tax.
*Dieting for a whole week and not loosing a single pound!!
*Traffic lights, when the red light is on a lot longer than the green light.
*Tiny dogs being used as fashion accessories by the stars.
* Lorry anti-spray mudflaps that don't work on the motorways in the rain.
* Politicians never resigning.
*People who take two parking spaces up in a crowded carpark, AND so many park just over the line so if you manage to squeeze in the neighboring space you can't get out of your car!
*That stupid FCUK logo.
*Xpats criticising Britain, but do not pay there taxes here.
*Things being discribed as 'the new black'.
*People with more than one mobile phone "Hang on a moment, I'm just on my other mobile" .. ummm moments cost money, hang up saying "ring me back".
* The use of the word "aqua" on beauty products to mask the fact they are made up of nine-tenths or there abouts .. just water.
*Artists makings 1000's of pounds from paintings our children could do just as well.
*TV and film reveiwers, who give away the plot.
*People who can't hear us because they're always wearing iPods.
*Voice overs, done by famous actors, when the work could go to their struggling fellow thespians.
*Websites that advertise their products and then ask you to ring up for price or other details –ugh!
*People who write your when they mean you're
*Filthy, scruffy London Underground Carriages.
*People who start a sentence with "I am not a (whatever) ... BUT..."
*The letter 'H' is spelt A-I-T-C-H, there is NO H in the word. It is so very annoying more and more people pronounce it haitch. Even teachers in schools are teaching our children this dreadful annoying WRONG pronunciation.
*Being asked to rate every transaction on the internet.
*People that give the answer "Oh well!"... all of the time.
*People who don't flush public toilets. (yes, and the ones who wet the seat!!)
*People making fun of people with ginger hair.
*Chain e-mails that threaten us with bad luck if we don't pass them on.
*Websites that inhibit your back button so you can't get back to where you were. Yes.. so annoying!
*People asking me to enter my PIN number, it's not a "PIN number" .. it is a "PIN", the 'N' stands for number.
*People who refer to the centre lane of the motorway as "the driving lane" and never use the inside lane even when the road is clear to the horizon.
*Finding out every week that something else we eat and drink is bad for us.
*Cyclists ignoring the cycle paths that cost a fortune to install.
*People when you have lost something saying "when did you have it last?"
*Paying more duty on our fuel than Americans pay for their fuel.
*Badly spoken children's TV presenters.
*Jules Holland playing Boogi - Woogie.
*People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
*Celebrities demanding our money for charities without putting their hands in their own pockets (I know many do .. but as many don't)
*Continual repeats on TV, especially Friends
*Our "where there's blame, there's a claim" society.
*Utility companies increasing their prices more than the inflation rate.
*People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV. remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
*Celebrities who do anything to get noticed, then complain bitterly about the invasion of thier privacy
*Sport persons who talk about giving 110%
*Lorries that hog the outside lane of a dual carriageway all the way up a hill.
*People talking all the way though a film at the movies.
*People who jump queues.
*People who dawdle across zebra crossings while talking on their cell phones.
*People who say 'could of' and 'would of' instead of 'could have' and 'would have'.
*Cyclists wearing personal stereos.
*Market researchers; now, they are even coming into restaurants.
*Cinemas that insist on showing only kiddy films in the school holidays.
*People who keep the plastic covers on their three-piece suites.
*Doughnuts sold as "donuts", also light & night spelt as lite & nite.
*"Baby On Board" signs in cars. Do they help us decide which car not to
hit in case of an accident. (If an accident occurs they tell the police or ambulance crew that there is a baby somewhere in the car, if not found they search the area)
*All footballers being called football stars rather than footballers.
*The expression "What are you like" [My pet hate too.. boring people, with no conversation]
*Products marked "Improved", even worse "New Improved".
*Boy racers in pathetic cars with big spoilers.
*Nobodies referred to as Icons.
*Queuing in a post office or bank with eight tills when only 3 are open.
*The expression "It's not rocket science"
* People who say "inferring" when they mean "implying"
* So much chewing gum on our sidewalks / pavements
* People who share their colds with us
* UK Companies who employ telephone operators whose first language is not English
* Delivery or repair persons who don't turn up after we have taken a day off work to wait in for them
* Telephone sales calls, especially when your X directory
* People not daring to overtake police cars no matter how slow they are driving
* Football clubs changing kit to make even more money out of their fans
* Celebrity exersice videos
* Parents who dress their little daughters in "sexy" T-shirts
* Drivers who don't indicate their attentions at roundabouts
* The use of the expression "To Go" instead of "Take-a-way"
* Using models under 25 to advertise anti-wrinkle cream
* People that know their rights but not their responsibilities
* British tourists abroad wearing Union Jack clothing
*Internet pop-ups inviting us to buy software to stop pop-ups
* Cones, but no road works
* People who wear sunglasses on their heads [hey! I've been doing that ever since I threw the flowers away!]
*People who say 'Tell me about it' when you just have
*TV ads that are louder than the programmes they punctuate
*Pub quiz teams who win every week
*People who tell us to 'calm down' when we're angry.
*The saying "how long is a piece of string"
*Home owners not being able to deal with intruders as they like.
*Piped whooping laughter in sitcoms
*Motorists who empty ashtrays in public car parks
*Simon Cowell ( arrrr ~ He's Great and truthful)

© Phil Brodie Band 2005
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