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JANUARY


JAN. JOKES . MUSIC QUIZ . JAN

JANUARY SNIPPITS

A Thought: I can keep secrets . . . but the people I tell, can't ... more

Did You Know: Did you know that January 5th is "Sausage Day"; the third full week of January is known as "Hunt for Happiness Week"; Wednesday of the third full week of January is known as "Weedless Wednesday"; the 3rd Friday of January is "International Fetish Day"; January 22nd is known as "Answer Your Cat’s Question Day"; the last Monday in January is "Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day"; from January 29-February 4th is "Doppelganger Week", and in Russia, January 7th is Christmas Day ... more

Words: BUMPH / BUMF ~ actually means toilet paper; from the late 19th century, it is an abbreviation of the slang word bum-fodder. and a FORGOTTEN/LOST WORD:
GELICIDE ~ from the 17th century meaning "a frost" ... more

Music: In 1975, 10cc topped the UK singles chart with 'I'm Not In Love'. The instrumental break featured the repeated spoken phrase: "Be quiet, big boys don't cry...", which was spoken by Kathy Warren, the receptionist at Strawberry Studios, Stockport, Cheshire where the band recorded the track ... more

It's a First: Richard Lawrence was 1st known person to attempt to assassinate an American President. On January 30, 1835, President Andrew Jackson was attending the funeral of South Carolina congressman Warren R. Davis, when Lawrence fired two pistols at point-blank range. Both misfired ... more

Wit or Wisdom!:
"Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve" - Napoleon Hill ... more

FUN THINGS .

FUNNY PLACE NAMES . .... SUPERSTITIONS .... .IT'S A RECORD ., . .PC - NERD .

YOUR GRIPES ... .R U A REDNECK . .. .DUMB QUOTES . . JIG-SAW PUZZLE

TONGUE TWISTERS . . RHYMING SLANG . . ..BINGO LINGO . . . GREAT OLDIE HITS

.. CHAT-UP LINES .... HALLOWEEN SPECIAL.. . . WHAT TREE DID YOU FALL FROM . .

. MUSO ANAGRAMS ... .ALL SHOOK UP - ANAGRAMS . . . BRAIN TEASER . .

MUSO JOKES . . GASMS . . LOVELY LATIN . . MAGIC . . EBAY SONG

. . ESCAPE IF YOU CAN . . SUN SIGN CHARACTERS . . . DR PHIL'S TEST

HALL OF FAME . . WALK OF FAME . . ROCK WALK . . CELEB REAL NAMES . . BAND NAMES

THE NAKED MEN CLOCK
(CLICK ON CLOCK TO CHANGE)

.QUIZZES .
JANUARY MUSIC QUIZ
*
NEXT LINE * WARPS * 123 = ABC * MATHS * PROVERBS
*

free sudoku puzzles



* * JanUary 2017 JoKes * *

Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo.

Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.

Men 2017: I just shaved my legs.

* * * * * * * * *
Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew kung fu or some other martial art.

He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!”

“No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!“

* * * * * * * * *

I’ve been really depressed lately.
A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo, to cheer up.
I went today, but not one person would stroke me.


* * * * * * * * *

Last night I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach...

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.


* * * * * * * * *

Would you mind if I took a picture of you naked?

Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here?


* * * * * * * * *


Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?

Oh Harry, that would be lovely!

Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?


* * * * * * * * *
A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”

* * * * * * * * *
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

* * * * * * * * *

Job interview in a psychiatry:

So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?
-
I’ve been on Facebook for 5 years now.
-
Very good, the job is yours.

* * * * * * * * *
I was hiking in the wilderness with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.


* * * * * * * * *

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair,
"Do you have any last requests?”
"Yes," replies the murderer.
"Can you please hold my hand?"


* * * * * * * * *
A judge enters the court room and starts the proceedings, saying: „Before this process starts in earnest, there is one thing I have to clear first. The plaintiff gave me $ 10,000 so I would rule in their favor. The defendant gave me $ 12,000 so I would rule in their favor. To make this case a fair one, I’m hereby returning $ 2,000 to the defendant.“

* * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”

“Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. . After all these years, I’ve gotten used to toilet tissue.”

* * * * * * * * *

Wow you look great! Did you lose weight?”

“Hey – did you just call me ugly and fat in retrospect?!”

* * * * * * * * *

An artist asked the gallery manager if anybody asked about his paintings.

"Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news," said the owner.

"The good one is that a gentleman liked your work and

asked if its value would appreciate after your death.

When I said yes, he bought all 20 of your paintings."

"But that’s fantastic," whooped the artist.

"What could possibly be the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

* * * * * * * * *

A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"

The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

* * * * * * * * *

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody lies around it.
The son comes home in the afternoon.
Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”

Son: “Yeah.”

Detector: “Beep.“

Son: “OK, OK, I was in a cinema.”

Detector: “Beep.”

Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”

Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“

Detector: “Beep.”

Mother laughs: “Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son!”

Detector: “Beep.”

* * * * * * * * *
I took my wife’s family out for biscuits and tea.

They weren’t very happy about having to donate blood though.


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