JOKES, JOKES, JOKES.

New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a person's
personality based on their drink of choice.
Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying, a pain in the butt.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, very picky, knows exactly what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her; if she is interested, she'll send you a drink.

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy, thinks she is classy and sophisticated, but actually has no clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is; this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and is looking to get totally drunk ... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a hoot about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay (and looking to get laid).
* * * * * * * * *
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef. Can you pea soup?

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a TexasTornado And a TennesseeDivorce The Same?
Some body's Gonna Lose A Trailer
* * * * * * * * *
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
..................................................

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the entire time.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
* * * * * * * * *
A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday.
He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life,
that is, until the ship sank.
He found himself on an island with no other people,
no supplies, nothing, only bananas, coconuts and the few fish that he managed to catch.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore on a boat.
In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island.
I landed here when my cruise ship sank a few months ago.'
'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a rowing boat wash up with you.'
'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman.
'I made this boat out of raw materials that I found on the other side of the island..
There's lots of wood, palms and vines.
'But, where did you get the tools?'
'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman.
'I found a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I used that for tools.
The guy is stunned.'Let's row over to my place,' she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is stone walkway leading to an exquisite hut painted in yellow and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually,
'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you,' he mumbles, still dazed. 'I can't take any more coconut juice.'
'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I've managed to ferment some alcohol.
How would you like a Pina Colada?'
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,
'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a lovely fountain outside and I've made a razor out of tortoise bone..
'No longer surprised by anything, the man goes to shower and shave.
'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'Whatever will it be next?
'When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,
'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,
something you've been longing for?'
She stares provocatively into his eyes ...
He swallows excitedly and tears start to well-up in his eyes..........
..Don't tell me you've got the sports channel?
* * * * * * * * *
1. What is a 4 letter word ending in k and means the same as intercourse

3. What can you find in a mans pants roughly 6 inches long, has a head on it and women love so much they often blow it?

5. Name 5 words which are 4 letters long ending with unt, one of which is a word for a woman.

7. What 4 letter word beginning with f and ends with k and if you cant get one you can use your hands?

10. What is it that all men have one of, its longer on some men than others, the pope doesn't use his, and a man gives it his wife after they are married?

1. talk
2. legs
3. a twenty dollar bill
4. firetruck
5. bunt, hunt, punt, runt, aunt,
6. pants
7. fork
8. almond joey candy bar
9. grit
10. last name
* * * * * * * * *
The letter was sent to the headmaster's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind.

Dear School,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the Sunnybrook Assisted Home for the Aged.
My family have all passed away and I am alone so thank you for your kindness to a forgotten old lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine but I told her to fuck off.

* * * * * * * * *
A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, "What is politics?"
>
Dad says, "Well, son let me try to explain it to you this way. I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me 'Capitalism'.
>
>Your Mom, she's the administrator of the household, so we'll call her
the 'Government'.
>
We're here to take care of YOUR needs, so we'll call you 'The People'.
>
The nanny, well, she works hard all day for very little money, so we'll
consider her 'The Working Class.'
>
And your baby brother... we'll call him 'The Future'.
>
Now, think about that and see if it makes sense.
>
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his Dad has said.
>
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding
the door locked, he peeks into the keyhole and sees his father in bed
with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
>
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son,
tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
>
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class,
the Government is sound asleep,
The People are being ignored, and
The Future is in Deep Shit."
* * * * * * * * *
I've just wasted £15 on a DVD.
I settled down to watch "Tiger Woods - My favourite 18 holes"
only to find it was actually about golf.

* * * * * * * * *
A doctor walked into a bank.
Preparing to endorse a check,
he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket
and tried to 'write' with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said,
"Well that's great, that's just great...
some asshole's got my pen."
* * * * * * * * *
A Nun Grading Papers
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
* * * * * * * * *
Sex is like playing bridge:
If you don't have a good partner,
you better have a good hand
* * * * * * * * *
Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter,
the princess.

But there was a problem.
Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
metal,
wood,
stone,
anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing
that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured."

The next day,
he held a competition.
Any man that could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt would marry her
and inherit the king's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance
in the world and would not melt.
But alas,
once the princess touched them,
they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached.
He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what
is in there."
The princess did as she was told,
though she turned red.

The king was overjoyed.
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess
and they both lived happily ever after.

The Birth of Yahoo
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says . . .
And, lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods, when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And Dot said, "There will be a lot of banging in the land."
And Abraham replied, "It is my most fervent wish that this be so." And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And, lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother William's drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, "eBay, " he said, "We need a name of a service that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"Whoopee!" said Abraham.
"No, YAHOO!" said Dot Com.

In Melbourne, Fl. one of the radio stations paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner $300.
"I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist, but early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for an earlier apt that morning at 9:30 am. I had just packed everyone off to work and to school, and it was 8:45 already. The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most woman do, I'm sure, I like take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" from the sink, taking extra care make sure that I was presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, put on some clothes, in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the procedure, as I am sure all woman do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from here. I was a little surprised when he said: "M-y-y-y ... we have taken a little extra care this morning, haven't we?," but I didn't respond.

The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went normal, some shopping, cleaning and the evening meal, etc. At :30 that evening my 14 year old daughter was getting ready for a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, "Mom, where's my washcloth?"

She called back and said, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."
* * * * * * * * *

Technical Support Query

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinkingmates 4.2 which I had
used for years without any problems.

However there are apparently conflicts with these two products and the only
solution was to run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications such as Ladsnightout 3.1, Football 4.5 and Playboy 6.9 Successive
versions of Girfriend have proved no better.

I tried a shareware program Slapper 2.1 but it had many bugs and left a virus
in my system forcing me to shut down for several weeks.

Eventually I tried to run Girfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend
1.0 at the same time but
when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my
hardware. I upgraded to Fiancee 1.0 only to discover that this soon had to be
upgraded to Wife 1.0.

Whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all of my available resources it does come with
Cookingplus and Cleanhouse 2008.

Shortly after this upgrade I found Wife 1.0 was unstable and costly to run, any
mistakes I made were stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted,
Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly needing Shoeshop Browser and Hairstyle
Express, When wife 1.0 interfaces with my Saab 93 Convertible Hard Drive it
regularly crashes it. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop up called
Mother-In-Law.

Recently I have been tempted to try and install Mistress 2008 to alleviate my
problems with wife 1.0 but if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2008 it tends to delete
all of your money before permanently
uninstalling itself.

Any advice would be appreciated.
* * * * * * * * *

A young guy joins the circus as a trainee Lion Tamer and on his first day,he is being shown the basics.The Trainer is showing him the chair and whip routine to control aggressive lions..poke the chair at the lion and crack the whip and the kid asks. "What do I do if the lion just keeps coming towards me?" Trainer.. "Poke the chair at him and crack the whip again." Kid.. " Ok, but what if he still keeps coming at me? " Trainer.. You've got to show him that you are the boss, poke the chair at him and crack the whip...several times." By now,the kid has a terrifying metal image of the pissed off lion still coming and himself backed against the bars with nowhere to go. He relays this thought to the trainer, who says. "You'll have to quickly bend down, scoop up a handful of shit and fling it in his eyes, blinding him while you make a quick dash for it." The kid ponders this, then says. "Will there be any Shit ?"The trainer says..

Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?' asked the Irishman, walking up to the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: 'Are you Irish?'

'If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?' demanded the Irishman indignantly.

'Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?'

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: 'Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?'

'Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would You? Would You?'

The assistant said: 'Well, no.'

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman steps it up a gear.

'And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was French?'

'What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?'

'Well no, I definately wouldn't' conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says: 'Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?'

The assistant replied: 'Because you're in f***ing Homebase'
* * * * * * * * *

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.
It sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
* * * * * * * * *

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to Disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
* * * * * * * * *
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.'The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him 'Juan.'Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
* * * * * * * * *

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he also suffered from bad breath.

if you deny global warming its been happening every year after spring as long as you can remember

if safe sex is not doing your cousin
* * * * * * * * *

When you have an 'I Hate My Job day'

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. '

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
* * * * * * * * *

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the
door. The man gets up and goes to the door
where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for
a push.

'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife.
'Can't you remember about three months ago when
we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be
ashamed of yourself!'

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny
iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The
rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a
wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
* * * * * * * * *
A woman goes into hospital for a fanny tuck.
On waking up there's 3 bunches of flowers on her bedside cabinet.
One from the Consultant for a successful operation.
One from her Husband to say he loves her.
And one from Bert, a Firefightert in the burns unit for the new ears.....
* * * * * * * * *
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
* * * * * * * * *
Gay Ray goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says,
'Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS.'
Ray is devastated. 'Doc, what can I do?'
'Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of All Bran, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice..'
Ray asks bewildered, 'Will that cure me, Doc? ' .........

Doc says, 'No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your arse is for.'
* * * * * * * * *
Mother to young son. "You haven't changed your underpants again..disgusting!..what if you were hit by a car and were taken to hospital?"

Son answers. "Wouldn't matter, if I was hit by a car I'd have shit myself anyway."
* * * * * * * * *

The Seniors Breakfast Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the
'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash
browns &toast for $1.99.

'Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars &
forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la
carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?'
my wife asked incredulously.

A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los
Angeles, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's
Assistant.

Interested, he goes to learn more. ''Can you give me
some more details?'' he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, ''The job entails
getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have
to help the women out of their underwear, lay them
down and carefully wash their private regions, then
apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub
in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's
examination.

There's an annual salary of $65,000.00 but you're
going to have to go to Albuquerque, New Mexico.
That's about 620 miles from here.''

The two elderly women were in a Cafe having a cup of tea one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, " have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know how I lost my hearing aid."

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