A PHIL BRODIE BAND'S FUN PAGE . . ENJOY
. . .YOU . MAYBE . A . REDNECK ... IF...
You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your junior prom offered day care.
You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your dog passes gas and you claim it
dog is attached to the same chain as your wallet
You can entertain yourself for more then an hour with a fly swatter
own a home that is mobile and fourteen cars that are not.
You've ever stolen toilet paper
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center
There's an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall
have more car parts in your living room floor then on your car.
told you have something on your tooth and you take them out to see what it is!
You've ever been pumping gas and another costumer asks you to check their oil
You think the bud bowl is real
You think "six to ten pounds" on the side of the pampers box means how much the diaper will hold
You think the nutcracker is something you did off the highdive
You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time
you call your wife....Sis!!!!!
you call your hubby ....Cuz!!
a relative on their death bed shouts "Hey ya'll...watch this!"
you go to family reunions to pick up chicks
Your chili's secret ingrediant comes from the bait shop
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string
You have a refridgerator just for beer
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy
Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture!
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
ever shot anyone for looking at you.
own a homemade fur coat.
wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
totaled every car you've ever owned.
are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
taught you how to flip a cigarette.
is a wasp nest in your living room.
Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
burn your front yard rather than mow it.
consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
than half of your cars run.
ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
tail-light covers of your car are made of tape.
car has never had a full tank of gas.
of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper
to kiss her a--.
stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen
to walk by.
favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
an expert on worm beds.
dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
family tree does not fork.
flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
is a gun rack on your bicycle.
wedding was held in the delivery room.
soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
wife's hairdo attracts bees.
baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in
the front yard.
You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over
pick your teeth from a catalog.
ever financed a tattoo.
refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event
Your kids call your sister, mom.
You call the police because you think your child is hooked on phonics.
You ever tried to drown a fish.
You stopped watching the academy awards because "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
Your truck costs more than your house.
you wonder why your sun tan has gone after a bath
The only condiment on the kitchen table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
You think the theory of relativity has something to do with inbreeding.
You think harass is two words.
have two first names.
You mow the lawn and find a car.
the only teeth you have are on your comb.
your wife and sister are the same person.
and your grandma fight over the last pinch of Copenhagen.
you dont go to family reunions because your whole family lives in the same house.
you get a tatoo on your butt that says flammable
your wife has more chins than arms
your kid ever ask whether you want to be called dad or uncle
you leave your fly down for cooling purposes
your son is up on the water tower spray painting your daughters name.
ever stared at a can of orange juice because it says concentrate
get married 3 times and still have the same reletives.
you play "Sweet home alabama" on your touch tone phone.
your first buy for your truck is a gun rack.
dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.
need a screwdriver to open your truck from both the inside and out.
you don't remember who's your mom your sister or your grandma
think trash T.V. is something in your backyard
have a pissing for distance contest and your grandma wins
You might be redneck if you have ever played in a fart contest.
Probably more redneck if you begged to be the fart.
more redneck if your momma won the game.
and finally you must be redneck if you understand this!!!
DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION
compleet this paper, best ya'll can.
thanks to Brad - Wichita, USA; Melissa - NJ, USA; Eddie - IL, USA for many of
the above!! ... told you I'd make a page!!